A piece of really good advice

Dear Readers:

If you only pay attention to one thing that I write on this entire web site, let it be this single piece of advice.If you get back together with your boyfriend after a few months off, never, I repeat NEVER use his computer to check your e-mail when you're home alone at his place.

Even the most self-assured, confident girl in the world just can't help but go looking for trouble. Especially when she knows exactly what she's looking for, having received warnings such as: "no, trust me, you don't want to see pictures from that month- I mean, you can if you want, but I really don't think you'd want to."

Please... that's like telling Carnie Wilson that she doesn't really want a stomach staple, she should just watch her portion sizes. In other words: Of Course its bad for me, but do you really expect me to resist temptation? Please...I'm strong, I'm fine. I know what went on with him, he knows what went on with me. I'll spare the details, but long story short, things were pretty "fair and balanced" when we both came back to the table.

But that doesn't mean that I should see pictures of HER... the only thing that seems right to type right now is... blech.

Extreme fits of nausea/jealousy/ guilt (for having totally violated his privacy and being self-righteous about something that I was in no position to be self-righteous about etc), followed by frantic phone calls to friends themed around, "dangit, what do I do now?!"

So that's the lesson I learned this weekend- just don't do it. But if you DO do it, be prepared for some pretty funky feelings.

And I suppose the second lesson (I know, I told you you’d only need to pay attention to one thing, so feel free to ignore this one) is that being an “adult” with just a few years of emotional maturity under my belt makes me feel…like an actual grown up? But in a proud/gratifying sort of way, not in my usual “oh my god, I really AM getting older everyday… look… my skin is more delicate and less resilient!” sort of way. Because when things like that happen, and I have my immediate, primal “visceral reaction” (as Beth so expertly put it), I am able to reflect on it, and communicate with another human being (specifically, Jose) about the experience, know what support I need at that point (a very large hug and lots of reaffirming language) and be able to accept it with open arms (somewhat literally). More of an emotional hiccup than a rollercoaster.

Ahhhh… Big breath…Okay, enough of this full-circle, emotional, let’s talk about feeeeeelings stuff!

The rest of the weekend was all fun: His friend was getting married and he was in the wedding. So that's the context for the weekend. The wedding started out a little slow for me, because I was dateless for most of the early parts (ah the perils of being the Best Man’s date…) Lot's of pretty flowers, good food, and a GREAT speech by the Best Man (more pride from Gina). Danced like fools at the wedding reception, and at one point I think I was being Peppa’ to some other gal’s Salt on the dance floor. Didn’t ever catch her name- I’m guessing she was a cousin or something from Boston? Nice gal- and fun too! And obviously she shared a similar enthusiasm for lip-syncing to early 90’s girl-rap, which is always good. I tried to teach Jose to two-step, but I really only know how to follow, and poorly at that. So that was a bit of a mess, but still fun.

The best part? My dress was good for twirling! (which secretly made me just want to twirl around all by myself all night, like a 6-yer old in a new party dress, but I didn’t let on...)

There was a second reception at a local hotel, which involved left over’s from the formal reception, random bottles of wine, music blaring from a little stereo plugged into the wall, and piecing together suitable hot-tub attire from existing boxer-briefs, t-shirts etc. The somewhat (okay, very) creepy photographer stayed for that part too, which seemed… odd. Having a strange suspicion that most of THOSE shots are never going to show up in any wedding photo-albums. But perhaps in his personal collection? Some pictures:Leaving the church: Will a sword arch ever NOT remind me of the wedding scene in Sound of Music?
Yes, this is the same dress as the weekend before. Shhhhhh….


The strangest thing happened the next morning. Jose and I went to the Mass service for the family and wedding party. That involved waking up and getting out of the house on the early side of a Sunday morning. I know!?! Crazy! It was actually kind of a nice thing to do on a Sunday morning. And the priest, who came all the way from Boston for the wedding was really easy to listen to. His sermon was on forgiveness, which seemed timely. And then we had brunch, which by 11:30, was both timely AND tasty.

The afternoon plan was to go for a long bike ride, to get ready for the 50 mile ride that we signed up for in two weeks (which is going to kick both of our butts) but we only made it about 10 miles before he blew a tire. Thankfully, my trusty bike repair skills that I acquired as of late kicked in to full gear and I was able to get the tire off the wheel, patch the tube and get the tire/tube set back ON the wheel. Hurrah! Today I’m thinking of going to REI to get clipless peddles and bike shoes- a big investment, but one that I’ve been thinking about for quite some time now.

If you’d like to sponsor me on my bike ride, please feel free!! It’s the Mike Utley Foundations Dam2Dam bike ride to raise money for spinal cord injury research. He was a Coug and played football for WSU in the late 80s’, before playing for the Detroit Lions. He was injured during a game and paralyzed but has remained an athlete ever since. So if you’re a Cougar too, you should give twice!! So… if you want to donate, please click here: http://www.mikeutley.org/shop/product.esiml?PID=4

So, if you've got anything left over after donating to everything else these days, I'd really appreciate your support!!