Great. Story of my life...

Your IQ Is 135

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Happy Manhattan Season everyone!

You don't have to know me very well to know that my Manhattan Season officially kicks off at Thanksgiving (or well, any time in November. Sometimes it's just too hard to wait until that special Thursday). You also don't need to know me very well to know how absolutely, spectacularly charming I am after two of these wintertime favorites. And funny. I'm like wittier than... a really witty person.

And so when I found this on Lisa's blog, it came to no surprise to me that...

You Are A Martini

You are the kind of drinker who appreciates a nice hard drink. And for you, only quality alcohol. You don't waste your time on the cheap stuff. Obviously, you're usually found with a martini in your hand. But sometimes you mix it up with a gin and tonic. And you'd never, ever consider one of those flavored martinis. They're hardly a drink!

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

Must be a family thing.

Clearly they didn't have the option of "You're a Manhattan!"

K-9 Citizens (and the people who love them)

Hi all, and sorry for my blog slacking of late. I will invent the word… “slogging” to represent this phenomena. So, sorry for my recent slogging.

Here is a statement of truth: Gina is not a community activist.

Having been raised in the nest of grass roots volunteerism, and knowing first-hand what kind of effects its resulting phenomena like… long-hours-spent-waiting-in-the-car-whilst-copies-are-being-made-at-Kinkos-regarding-topics-and-activities-of-no-interest-to-me could have on any of MY potential off spring, it was relatively easy for me to develop an appreciation for downhill battles, arguments I know I can win, and agreeing to disagree. I admit that in many ways, my personal definition of “compromise” involves more “whatever, you win. I’ll deal with it and pretend to be happy” than “win win.”

(Side note: But I’ll also admit that the older I get, the more I notice myself overcompensating for this. I sometimes surprise myself with a “my way or the highway” reaction here and there. I’m less passive aggressive and more… plain old aggressive. The Phantom headline could read: “Baby Gina takes the reins…and becomes radical despot.”)

But God damnit, there should be dog parks in Washington DC. On this, I am not willing to compromise. And I mean fully-legal, sanctioned and ENCLOSED dog parks. But there are people here- a lot of them- who are anti-dog park. My west coast brain is still trying to make sense of it. I’m trying to see their side of the story, but everyway I spin it, in my head, they are just wrong. Dog parks are GOOD. But after attending a local Parks and Rec. meeting last night, I have realized that dog parks are a lot like prescription drugs. They must be proven safe and effective before they will be approved. And in this case, the burden of proof is on “us” (the dog people and their dogs) to prove that we are good neighbors and an asset to our community.

A statement by me of “Trust me folks, the “crack park” in Seattle’s Belltown totally cleaned up super nice after it became a dog park. It was a relatively cheap and easy way to make an entire neighborhood safe by bringing in positive activity and pushing out crime! Yay for dogs!!” just isn’t going to do it. There are people in this city with some serious misgivings about dogs and people who own them. And I can’t totally blame them. There are tons of dangerously irresponsible (and just plain lame) dog owners in the world. But here’s the thing: Those people don’t generally use dog parks. And if they do, they are so quickly outcast and shunned by we uppity-dog-park-types that they either 1) change their ways or 2) stop showing up. A pox unto the person who does not pick up their dog's poop at a dog park…. My point is: in a sanctioned dog park, there will always be more responsible dog owners than irresponsible dog owners. And responsible dog-owners are good neighbors. Arguably even better neighbors than drug dealers, hookers, and people with guns (or best yet, individuals who encompass all three!)

I think Daphne would make an excellent ambassador of good faith to the otherwise un-dog-inclined residents of my neighborhood. She already attracts children like the Pied Piper, and apparently has made more friends in the district than I have, so I think she is well suited for the job.

I’m going to walk her more often off of my beaten paths, and I’m going to pick up trash in the process. The last thing I want to be confused for is a target community activist, but I’m afraid that could happen given that this idea is both progressive, helpful and… hurts no one. (insert sarcastic eye roll here) In light of this, I’m going to wait to start this until The Man gets home from Iraq (only a few more DAYS!!) so he can escort me, because I don’t feel safe doing this alone. (I’m totally killing two birds here, by not only accomplishing my doggie good-will plans, but also filling up his man-tank with Hunter/Protector fuel!). Kind of a sad statement that I don’t feel safe picking up trash alone, but I’ll try not to dwell on that.

All right, fine. My secret fantasy is out of the bag: I just want to let Daphne charm her way into the hearts and minds of the good people of planet Earth while the sweet sounds of “Love Can Build a Bridge” by The Judds play quietly in the background…. Is that too much to ask for?? Yes, I fear it is. But I’m going to try to be an extra good neighbor anyway.

Explanation

I should have mentioned- that video is of my grandparents on their wedding day. And they're both still going strong, this summer will be anniversary number SIXTY SEVEN and my grandpa still calls her "my girlfriend."

My mom converted an old reel to reel tape to VHS for their 50th anniversary (in 1990!). Now that VCR's are going the way of the buffalo, I had it converted to DVD last week. And because I was feeling especially techno-savvy, I converted THAT to a .wav file so I could post on the web for those of us who are hooked up to the inter-web :)

Sooooo young!

My first YouTube experience...

Okay Anne, here's the whole story about my near miss at the spelling bee.

Well, truth be told, I didn’t come in 2^nd place in the spelling bee. Far from it. I DID however, make it to the 2nd grade class finals, and won for my class. I beat a little boy named Keith (I think that was his name…) because I seemed to be the only kid who knew that the word Grandmother did indeed, contain a “d”.

So- as the winner for my class, I got to go to the all school spelling bee, where I had to compete against 6^th graders! I knew I would have a limited lifespan from the get-go, but I did it anyway (said as if 2^nd graders really have a choice about matters of being in the school spelling bee if they make it…). My first word was “be” and I remember being paralyzed with fear, knowing that this was one of those words that could have more than one spelling. And I actually clearly remember thinking "well self, I can ask them to use it in a sentence, but that won't buy me anything but time, because I don't know which way to spell it for any particuar meaning..." After what seemed like thirty minutes of stalling, I said “…..B…….E…. Be.” Here is where I should add that I had NO idea if I got it right or not until they flashed me the little green card. I sat down and waited- petrified- for my turn to come again.

On round two, I got “House”, and I don't know if it was all the German school finally rubbing off on me, or early signs of a what would be a life of poor spelling, but I busted out a “H-A-U-S, House”. Red card. You’re out Gina. So, long story short, I didn't come in 2nd place, I simply got out on the 2nd round.

And I never spelt right again!! The End.

No More Drama in my life.

Sometimes I really love my life. Like right now. Cause while I'm sitting on my couch with a glass of wine and a good CD, about to start a new book, the sounds coming from my neighbor's place are decidedly less loving than normal. Girlfriend number one is finally starting to ask the tough questions. And I've learned that my neighbor is a very smooth liar.

Choice lines of the night: "Of course I like her, yeah I spend a lot of time with her, but we work a lot together- I spend a lot of time with everyone I work with." followed up with "Well, all you can go on is what I'm telling you, so I can't control weather you believe me or not."

I'm sure my marriage will have plenty of fights and tears in the years to come, but all I can think right now is: Being boring married girl is WAY better than being THAT girl. I'm also thinking right now how thankful I am that my husband is just as bad at lying as he is at singing. But I love his singing anyway.

Open Letters...

Snagged from Tracey’s Blog… The challenge: Write 5 open letters. People, places, objects, animals. It doesn't matter. Write 5 succinct letters and express what you can't express in person. Strangers? People you'll never see again? People you're afraid to be completely honest with? Corporations? Celebrities? Your sister's cats? Write to 'em.

Dear Monique Lhuillier,

Congratulations on becoming the next big thing in the wedding gown design world. I realized who you were when I saw a picture of a friend of a friend's wedding the other day and said "THAT's the dress I want. Can you ask here where its from?" Sadly, I then realized that all of your dresses are in the 6-10K price range, which is just so ridiculous that I could spit. No WONDER I like them so much. Even more sad is that I keep looking for other dresses that are similar, and when I finally find one, bang- your name is on the tag again. So cripes, what's a girl to do? If you think of it, could you maybe send one some of your free leftover dresses? Preferably something in Ivory (because as my friend Michelle would say "the jig is up"). And if it could be the one with the cool straps and lace overlay from the Fall 2005 collection, that would really rock. Thanks in advance, and again, congratulations, you're a star! -Yours Truly, Gina

Dear Husband,

I can't wait for you to come home! But the closer that date gets, the more I worry that I'll really have no place to put you. Really. We might have to rent out the soon-to-be vacant upstairs apartment so you'll have somewhere to put your toothbrush and razor. I hope you don't mind. And I also hope you don't mind that I might get cranky about having to pick up my things all the time... I've become re-accustomed to living alone you see and... well- I'll just do my best.

Love- Me

Dear Daphne,

What the heck is up with the snoring lately?? Seriously?? Do we need to get you some doggy Breath Right strips or something? I'm sorry that I have to drag you out to the living room by your collar in the middle of the night, but good lord dog- the snoring is shaking the house! Also- what gives with getting up in the middle of the night EVERY SINGLE NIGHT?? You manage to stay inside for 8 hours everyday without potty breaks, so why the need to poop every 4 hours once it gets dark? While I'm at it- why are you STILL scared of the nail clippers?? I've had you for what- 6 years now? Not once have I nicked you, and I've got to ask- have we ever had a nail-clipping event where copious dog treats weren't present at the end?? I don't understand why you don't salivate every time I get the clippers. So why do you still cower in the corner? I still love you very much and you're my favorite living thing in the world- in addition to the husband (but honestly, I kind of only say that so he doesn't feel bad- I'd be hard-pressed to make a decision on who to pull out of a burning building...). Love- Me

Dear Neighbor,

I know it's none of my business, but I can't help but observe that you're into serial monogamy. With two women. Meaning- two separate relationships that seem to be -outside of each other- fairly "steady."

Don't you ever just want some alone time? Do you also think that it's insane that they drive almost the exact same car? Maybe I'm just lazy, but I can't, for the life of me, imagine having the mental wherewithal to be in a relationship with TWO men at the same time. I mean, sometimes I can barely remember my OWN name and birthday. And that's MEN. And most men are EASY. WHY are you trying to make two WOMEN happy at the same time? Blech- sounds like a nightmare. If neither of them is "enough" why not just ditch them both and look for someone who is? Oooo... and if you already know in your head that girl #1 isn't floating your boat, and that's why you've taken up with girl #2, you should think about ending things with girl #1. Call me old fashioned, but it's kind of the polite thing to do. I know that means getting rid of something (or someone or maybe someones in this case) that you like. Sure, that can be scary. But as it stands now, you have NO time to date or meet anyone who might potential be your "enough" woman.

So neighbor, I give back to you something to listen to- my advice and life observation: With the right person, monogamy is fun. Go find her.

-Your Neighbor, who's trying to mind her own business, but finds it increasingly difficult with the thin walls etc

Dear Friends,

I'm just letting you all know that I'm probably not doing Christmas and/or holiday cards this year. With all of the addressing and envelope-licking of the wedding announcements, and frequent visits to the post office to mail things to Iraq, I'm just kind of over it. Please know that I do indeed with you a Happy Holidays and a safe/fun/fabulous 2007.

Love, Me

Nothing says "holidays" like... Regis Philbin?

Huh. I just discovered that Regis Philbin has a Christmas album. I've been listening to pandora.com all day today (note to self, get some headphones that don't leave ears burning in pain after a few hours. Ouch!)and got a good Christmas music station going when typing in "Christmas Island". Lots of good old timey Christmas songs (Johnny Mathis, Breda Lee etc), and then out of the blue, 'White Christmas' by Regis Philbin.

And for some weird reason, I didn't give it a thumbs down to make it go away. Is it that I'm mentally conditioned to enjoy only the cheesiest of cheesy Christmas music?

It was followed by the Carpenters (frighteningly endearing)Winter Wonderland/Silver Bells/White Christmas medley, which totally redeemed pandora.com... in my opinion at least.

So. Happy Holidays everyone. What's on your Christmas list?

"A pony" is making its 28th repeat appearance on the top of my list.

Palomino.

One of the funniest SNL sketches I've seen in a while. I like this "new" gal- I think she's been in the cast for a year or so, but I haven't been keeping track.

Go Cougs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's officially time to start smack talk with any and all fans of the University of Washington, as this Saturday is not just Cougar Football Saturday, but THE APPLE CUP!!

Let the jokes begin!! I'll start with this one, which I found on a delightful little spot on the world wide web called... HuskiesSuck.com.

It's the night before the Husky season opener and the Husky coach gets a call from UW's sole math professor. He tells the coach that his quarterback is academically inelgible because, shockingly enough, he missed his math final from summer session.

In true Husky fashion, the coach asks for a bending of the rules and like a usual UW professor, he agrees and they decide on a one question, all or nothing math final at the 50 yard line in Husky Stadium on Opening Day.

So there's the quarterback at midfield, the entire stadium becomes dead silent, and over the PA system, the math professor shouts "Okay, what is 2 + 3?"

The quarterback furrows his brow, sweat drips down his rather large forehead and he racks his brain with all his might before letting out a hoarse "5?".

The entire stadium erupts in a huge roar with every husky fan jumping up and down screaming "Give Him another Chance!! Give Him another Chance!!"







Good stuff.

Nobody pinch me.

Maybe I'm just dreaming, but I can't decide if the primary cause of my big dumb smile is either:

1) the latest Tony Bennett Duets CD that I finally bought today, and his version of Lullaby of Broadway with the Dixie Chicks, in which the girls sound a lot like the Andrew's Sisters. (Very smile-worthy)

or


2) Rumsfelt just resigned.

George W. Bush, KFed awaken to joint stark realities.

Okay, all I've got this morning is that million dollar headline.

My #2 choice was "KFed, Republicans shown the door"



But I should mention that living in DC in a time like this is, to say the least, pretty neat.


(oh yes, and Daphne has not conceded any races yet. She's holding out for recounts.)


My challenge to you all: Send me your catchy headlines that shed light on both politics and KFed.

Daphne, have you been campaigning or what?

11/6/06 6:15 PM, Washington DC, Corner of 10th and N Street NW. I'm walking Daphne.

Guy I've never Seen Before Walking Past Me on the Sidewalk(GINSBWPMS): "Wait- is that...Daphne?"

Me (out loud): Uh...yeah?

Me (In my head): what the Hell?

GINSBWPMS: Yeah! I thought so. You take her to Wagtime?

Me (out loud): Um... yeah?

Me (in my head): seriously... what's going on here.... How does this guy know the dog day care I take her to?

GINSBWPMS: (sensing that I'm starting to think he's a stalker) Oh- I worked there for a few months, she's a cool dog.

Me: Ah! Okay- yeah, well- thanks!


And so, on this election eve, I have once again been faced with the reality that Daphne, as an institution, is just about as recognizable as the Golden Arches and the Elvis. So I officially announce that she will be using this to her advantage, and is throwing her hat in the ring for Mayor of DC. So go ahead DC, write in Daphne for Mayor 2006.

I honestly think she's has just as much of a chance as anyone at beating Adrian Fenty, so why not?

Forget a meat grinder, I need a silencer attachment for my Kitchenaid Mixer...

I went candle shopping for J on Saturday morning, as he has requested that I send him some Christmas Tree scented candles since he'll still be "beyond" the tree line for the holidays this year.

"And I want really good ones. None of the cheap candles. You know what I'm talking about..."

That was his request, worded in a way to admonish me for my purchase of generic mouth wash last month. I brought some on the trip, and he was less than pleased with it. In my defense, I'm not a complete cheapskate, I just figured I'd try the generic brand first. If it was, in fact just like Scope only cheaper, why pay more? Alas, it was not just like Scope. Live and learn... But come on, wouldn't most men appreciate having a wife that doesn't put value in brand names unless deserved??

ANYway... I bought him the "Mistletoe" scented candle from Yankee Candles. They're among the most expensive I could find, so I figured he would be able to more clearly see my love and devotion that was poured into the wax (and so obviously devoid from the mouthwash). And I have to admit, the candle smelled good- actually smelled more like a real tree than an air freshener, which was surprising.

While quite literally "sniffing around" in the candle isle (sorry, couldn't resist), I found one called "Buttercream" with a piece of frosted cake on the label. I sniffed. Yum. Cake batter and vanilla frosting. And none of that homemade shortening and powdered sugar kind. This smelled like the fabulous stuff I can eat by the spoonful from out of the tub by Duncan Hines and Betty Crocker. So I bought a small "Buttercream" candle for myself, thinking it might create and inviting and "homey" feel in my apartment.

I brought it home, lit it and left it burning all day and went about my business. About 8 hours later, I realized that I was having the biggest craving for CAKE I'd ever had in my living years.

But what's a girl to do when she lives along and has a hankering for cake? And not just any cake. Going to a restaurant and buying a piece of fancy delicious cake from the menu would not answer this calling. This candle had a distinct aroma of homemade cake, from a mix. With Betty Crocker frosting.

I tried all afternoon, and into the early evening to resist these overwhelming urges. Really, I tried. Until about 10PM last night when I made a break and skipped off to the nearest grocery store for cake mix and tub of frosting. But clearly I wasn't being irrational and going to the store as the first steps toward baking a middle-of-the-night-cake, as that only happens when one drives to the store. And I walked.


Damn Yankees.





PS- This might be the beginning of a fun challenge- to try to end each post with a word or phrase that not only captures the essence of the post, but is also the name of an 80's hair and/or power ballad band.... me likey.

Question del dia

Why is it that 9 out of 10 people who display t-shirts or bumber stickers that say "Stop bitching and start a revolution" do a lot of bitching and very little revolutionizing?


Discuss.

España! .... now what's the html for the upside down exclamation point??

On advice from newly aunted Amy B, to “work less, blog more,” I have been looking for a moment to make a quick post to say hello and… “I’m baaaaack…” (read in a creapy horror movie voice).

In three words, Spain was great, and I’d love to write an essay about my fabulous fall vay-cay, but in the efforts of sparing my fingers so that I can reply (AKA: hit delete) to the massive amounts of e-mails that are still lingering in my inbox, I’ll resort to a bulleted list of trip highlights:

• Getting to the Madrid airport within an hour of J’s arrival. Which, given the amount of potential chaos in coordinating our travels, was a small miracle.
  
• Having my purse stolen while checking out of our Madrid hotel the next morning, bound for La Coruña. Yes, my phone, camera and passport were in there. In addition to my sweet $5 aviator gafas del sol (sun glasses!) from Eastern Market... More of a low-light really…
  
• Learning all about filing police reports and finding the US Embassy in foreign countries. The embassy was a bit of a let down, I was hoping the experience would be akin to that scene in Not Without My Daughter where Sally Field finally catches a glimpse of the American flag, but in reality, it was a lot like going to the DMV...
  
• Arriving in La Coruña and finally meeting my mother-in-law for the first time.
  
• Having quality family time with my new family- it’s just like quality time with my own family, except with this one, I can relax and enjoy the ride of their craziness rather than get too sucked into it. An excellent concept really, and for the naïve life of me, I can’t see how in-laws have a universal bad rap.
  
• Realizing that I have the cutest nephews on the planet, and they are highly entertaining. I heart them.
  
• Getting to smell my husband, which God-willing, is enough to tide me over for another 6 months.
  
• Taking several day trips around Galicia. A chance to connect to my Celtic roots... (yes, the Celtic people stomped around much of this part of Spain. And you thought the Irish had the monopoly on the Galic people… Eh, that’s okay, so did I.)
  
• Learning that mullets have come back, in a big way in Spain (and I’m guessing most of Europe). Again, more of a low-light. See for yourself. I was standing as a decoy- the real subject of this photo is the mulleted Spaniard behind me…
  
  
• Putting faces to names of some of the people in Spain on our wedding announcement list… then realizing that we’ll need to send some sort of Spanish translation of said-announcement….
  
• Coming face to face with some scary foods. Some I could deal with, some I could not. Such as…
  
• Missing my flight home from Madrid after being stuck in traffic for three hours. It ended up being a bonus night of vacation, as J wasn’t to leave until the next morning anyway. However, not knowing if I would or wouldn’t get on the next day’s flight on stand-by left me a bit nervy (in light of the fact that J would soon be on a flight to Kuwait, and I had only a temporary passport, a MasterCard, 20 Euros and the language skills/vocabulary of a 3 year old, and the American Airlines gal in Madrid said the soonest flight with seats available was November 7th. “What? That’ won’t work for you? Okay, I have something on November 11th?”).
  
• Coming home to find that the wedding announcements had arrived from the printer. Then asking myself “why the hell did I think it would be a good idea to hand mount 275 of these sonsubitches onto not one, but two panels of (beautiful espresso brown and Tiffany blue) cardstock??? And why does my mothers Big Sister from her Sorority (actually named Dixie- no joke) who I have, until now in my life NEVER HEARD OF, merit reviewing one of these hand-adorned crafts?
  
• Getting to miss out on nearly three weeks of Virginia Senate race campaigning. Came home to find that George Allan has done what I thought was impossible: made himself look like a bigger spaz in the public eye than he did at the beginning of the month. Ha!

And now I’m back to real life, and trying to catch up with everything else…including reading my voters guide. I’ve accepted that my bank ofsocial capital in DC is a barren wasteland, as I can’t recite every states senator and representatives (worse yet, I don’t know who’s secretly creepy –a la the early Foley years- or who is probably gay!), but I figure at least I can attempt to show up at the polls with some sort of recognition of who is on the ballot, and how much I like the sound of their names…

But in my defense man, I know some things about music... and I knew about Windows Vista YEARS ago, when it was still in beta!! Okay, maybe that’s just because Ken and I would routinely crash the “Fun Friday’s” at the PR firm officed on the next floor in my old office building. And okay, maybe our cover was that we were from “the Portland Office, on Kathy’s team. We’ve been swamped with the Vista beta… Hey- is that Doug over there- I’ve got to catch him…” But hey- they had free beer. At work! Yeah, that’s right kids, in Seattle, I was cool. I had social net worth…I wasn’t just some lonely dietitian Navy wife who works at a library… Ah, the good old days.

Which reminds me: I was at the Wonderland Bar one night having a beer with Laura before I left on my trip, and this couple (who looked like they both tried REAL hard to look like a cast member of “Reality Bites”) was sitting next to me on their picnic style tables. And I seriously overheard things like, “Man, that would be so awesome… cause Microsoft is still like, innovative. And to work for them before they turn corporate would be amazing… I wonder if they like, hire people? What would be cool would be to like, work for them as a contractor, or a temp or something. Do they do that? That would be cool. I think it would be cool to work for like, Amazon too…”

I nearly spat out my beer. But I bet they knew gobs about all sorts of bills and pending acts… sigh.

Okay, I’m off to read Wonkette in a desperate attempt to figure out what the hell is going on in this town. But yeah, by the time I’m reading it, it’s likely already jumped the shark.

A call for good vibes...

for on-time flights and reasonable connections...

I'm T minus 6 days for my flight to Spain to meet up with J for our 15 day R&R/vacation/see each other for the first time in 6 months. He is taking a helicopter from where he is now to some other base in Iraq, then a military flight to Kuwait. From there, another military flight to Frankfurt, and from Frankfurt he'll fly commercial to Madrid. Or something like that.

In other words, there are SOOOO many opportunities for a mess-up somewhere in his itinerary. So if you could all send me some smooth sailing vibes, cast any spells for happy traveling or otherwise channel your good ju-ju and sent it our way, I'd really appreciate it.

As while I'm sure I'd love a solo trip Madrid SOME day to explore the city and soak up the culture of Espana all by my lonesome, that time is not now. If I end up spending this entire trip by myself because of some Military Powers That Be, I will probably have to promptly moon the White House upon my return (while wearing my tacky yet poignant "sexually deprived for your freedom" t-shirt). And that might get me arrested.

Just a little space to say what I’m really thinking.

I need to lay it out on the line. I need to come clean with a few things. I’m not really sure where to start with this, but I’ve been thinking about a couple of topics that have really hit home lately. No, it’s not about local government, it’s not about how I sometimes feel that I have no social capital here in DC, as I’m not able to incorporate political banter into cocktail party conversations. It’s not even related to my fears about the repercussions of America’s burgeoning sense of elitism in its foreign policies. It’s about TV. And toilet paper. I want to talk about it. And I want to do so using bullet points.

• After watching the new season of Dancing With the Stars, I’ve realized that my husband kind of looks like Mario Lopez (yes, as in Saved By the Bell’s A.C. Slater- yeah, the hot one. Zack was the cute one, and Slater was the hot one... yeah, that's what I'M talkin' about...), and I like it.
  
• I discovered that as of this weekend, I no longer have free HBO and Showtime (I had a sweet deal there for a while), and I’m fiending… hard. I’m like a crack addict searching for my next fix. I’m almost to the point where I’m willing to pay gobs of cash for premium TV just to get my weekly “Weeds” fix. And I don’t even want to think about not being able to watch the upcoming season of Big Love. It hurts too much to “go there” mentally.
  
• Lately I’ve been wondering what would happen if, while at work after each trip to the ladies’ room, I started folding the end square of toilet paper on the roll into points, like they do in hotels. I work at a federal library, so this little detail, however minor, would be very out of place. Would the next woman to use that stall think we upgraded out janitorial contractor? Or would she just start to freak out a little, thinking that she worked with someone with a secret toilet paper hang-up? Perhaps she would wonder if she was on candid camera? How many days in a row would I have to do this before I’d start hearing people talk about it in the kitchenette?

Will I ever outgrow thinking of things like this? I have a strong feeling that the answer is NO. And I have a strong feeling that this is why people say things like , “Wow, I just don’t feel like I’m 87 years old…”

The secret power of weddings

I have this funny feeling deep inside of me that makes me kind of think that.... I have the potential to be a Bridezilla. Two things gave me the feeling that this could never happen. 1) I'm already technically married, so this wedding-like event/reception that will take place in about a year really shouldn't be that big of a deal. Right? 2) I've never been the "wedding I've always dreamed of" type of girl. Or is it that I never had a concrete vision of what I'd want my wedding to be like??? Perhaps.

I've been married since April. Apparently I have not "officially" announced this to the world because I have not officially sent written announcements to billions of people I've never met (yes, "Dixie", my mom's Big Sister in her sorority* is on the list to receive one).

Can you tell by my sarcasm toward wedding announcements that this is not an item that I've been dreaming about since girlhood? So this should be no big deal right? I should just pick a cream colored card out of the book, put our names in the blanks, ask my mom really nicely to help me address them, slap some stamps on and call it done eh?

So why is it that I want my announcement to be Beautiful with a capital B? Why have I been scheming and drafting and toying with color swatches for the past 4 months? Why is it that I instinctively wanted to slap my father when he suggested that "people are going to look at them for 30 seconds and then throw them away!" ? Why do I so desire to have people open these announcements, take them from their beautiful deckled edge square flapped envelopes, gasp while covering their mouths and sigh "My gawwwd.... she has exquisite taste! What a lovely couple."

Is it only going to get worse from here? I've already gone on the record as saying that I don't want a fancy foofy dress. Will that all change once I actually start looking for one? I even joked about silly center-pieces. Will I soon discover that I simply must have fabulous centerpieces, for they are the heart of a nuptial table?!?

Am I really that concerned with what other people (who, for the most part, I don't even know) think of me?

I've come to accept that there is a part of me who does care about what others think of me, and because I'm a brassy blue-state girl, I try like hell to hide that. I think Ann Coulter would say that is part of my Liberal faith.

But there is one great equalizer in this world. One thing that can bring even the MOST self confident, not-giving a rat's ass what Dixie thinks of her-type of girl to her knees.

Her wedding.


There it is. That's the secret.


* I can make fun of sorority girls because I am one.