The Coffee Dialogs: Part Two

Picking up from where I left off… many moons ago, I’d like to get back to discussing coffee. Specifically I’d like to discuss three items:

Holiday themed paper cups and increased coffee beverage enjoyment: causal relationship, somatic response, or self-fulfilling prophecy? (thanks to Beth for the verbage)

Why I spend so damned much money at Starbucks, and my lame attempts to justify/validate this obscene behavior.

The latest (and possibly most oddly uncomfortable) addition to espresso beverage ordering lingo.

1) I enjoy the red holiday cups at Starbucks. In what some could consider a Pavlovian reaction, I can almost taste Peppermint Mochas with whip and red sprinkles (that while covered by the white plastic lid, do have immeasurable added-holiday-joy value) as soon as I catch a glimpse of a red paper cup. My body most certainly puts out lots of natural “downer” chemicals in attempts to combat the pending arrival of a caffeine stimulus. I remember learning about this in Psych 101 class. The human body (much like the human mind) hates change and likes to maintain homeostasis at all costs. Though a scientific explanation of this process is stored in the back of my brain under “F” for “fuzzy memories,” the general concept does make sense to me. What I can’t understand is why a red cup makes even a plain drip-coffee so much better than the coffee served during the rest of the year in their white cups with green logo. Certainly the red cup can’t cause a better tasting coffee beverage on its own- so what gives? Is it just that I happen to like the “Christmas Blend” coffee beans above all others? Am I just full of Holiday Spirit? I do love Christmas, but really- to the extent that it makes food and drink taste better? Perhaps this is some prehistoric/plane-wandering/get ready for a long, hard winter gene that is making things tastier and telling me to fatten up for the barren season? Or perhaps I’d found the real reason that in my opinion, Seattle’s Best Coffee produces a tastier drip-coffee year ‘round (they have a red logo and accordingly, serve in red cups all year long…)

2) Okay, I get it. Having an intricate coffee order makes people feel important. Clearly a “Grande Double Shot Soy No-Foam Macchiato” is ordered by someone with coffee prowess, while my occasional “Tall Latte” is just for amateurs. I feel pretty fluent in most of the lingo, but I generally stick with a “Tall Drip With Room,” or the above mentioned latte. On special occasions during red cup season, I’ll order a Tall Peppermint Mocha. With Whip. (ummm… candy for breakfast…) But since when did people start throwing in a defined quantity of “pumps” into their drink orders? More often than not, I’m hearing “Grande Two-Pump Sugar-Free Vanilla Non-Fat Latte” or “Tall Triple-Shot Two-Pump Almond Mocha.” Oddly enough, I have yet to hear anyone order anything with one pump. Or three pumps.

Call me old-fashioned, call me a prude (which would be a total misnomer) but can’t we, as a coffee drinking community, come up with a better phrase? One that doesn’t make me feel oddly uncomfortable? Can’t we say “light on the vanilla?” or “Extra almond”? In the universe of coffee vocabulary, I’ve accepted the term “Drip” (and that wasn’t easy), but I don’t think I’m the only human being on earth who wants nothing to do with anything labeled “two pump.” I want no part of it. I’m just glad that I can’t think of a context where anyone could used the term “Two Pump Drip.” That would just be too much.

3) The last think that is vexing me about coffee today is how much money I spend on it. Way too much. The bad part isn’t the actual amount of money I spend, but the lengths to which I have gone to justify this expense as perfectly reasonable, or even a positive aspect of my life. For example: I don’t smoke, so I don’t have to buy cigarettes, which cost much more than daily Starbucks. But sadly, I don’t even know if this is true. I’d have to smoke about a pack a day in order to outspend myself. Because I’ll be damned if I don’t find myself also purchasing sandwiches, scones etc at least once a week there, which sometimes puts me at $10 in a single day at Starbucks. Cripes.

What else… I don’t… play GOLF! So- think of all that money I would spend on green fees/clubs/sporty visors, that instead I can spend on Starbucks. Do you see my trail of ridiculousness? I’m like the dieter who gives him/her self credit for going a whole week with no ice cream: but they never liked ice cream to begin with.

In my head, I came up with a win-win situation: Invest in Starbucks. Kind of a “if you can’t beat them, join them” concept. So I bought some shares. And I’m glad to report that after 8 months, a stock split and the hypothetical capital gains tax that I’d be liable for if/when I sell the stock, I’m just about at break even with how much I’ve spent at the store over the past 8 months. And all along, I’ve been telling myself that its really okay to spend so much at Starbucks, because I’m actually just reinvesting in my company and compunding my investement. Yeah… like reinvesting my dividends… yeah!
Just think where I’d be if I invested the money I would have spent at Starbucks, in Starbucks instead…

And even now, I’m justifying all of this (while taking the last sips my morning Tall Drip With Room) and thinking to myself, “Gina, at least you’re now totally aware of the problem. That’s the first step. One step at a time. Good work on that first step. You deserve a reward. Like a refill….”

Please tell me that I am not the only chronic over-justifier!

And finally, a bonus coffee item that was not part of my original 3: I love that the characters on Gray’s Anatomy are constantly drinking coffee from a paper cup with a cardboard insulator ring (and while I’m at it, I love just about everything about that show). They must have been filming an outdoor scene in the show and keenly noticed that everyone in Seattle drinks coffee from a paper cup. Constantly. It has become an institution. I know some have issues with this. I know it’s not as charming/Euro-coffee-house/environmentally-friendly as a ceramic mug, but it is very Seattle.